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Expressing gratitude to my diary

Dear diary,

You are my best friend, a preciously extended part of my soul that I’ve created willingly, providing it with extra care. I’ve woven you intricately like a fine piece of cloth, only the thread and needle are my words, and to my surprise, they’re mimicking the task just fine. 

You have been my savior cum campinion through this dreary yet enthralling journey of life, making every moment worthwhile, including the embarassing situations and bumpy life-changing events. I can laugh with you even in the most serious situations. Be it laughing at myself or laughing at life itself, I believe you laugh along. After all, I can only believe.

People question me for the uncertainty of penning down my emotions. But, it’s the people. And you know, just as much as me now, how shallow they can be. They can’t see the ecstasy and warmth that fills up my heart when I shuffle through your pages and reflect back on my past, visualizing my future, and concluding how the graph of my life has only gone up, despite me reaching the lowest of lows. 

You carefully maintain the statistics of my life, being a full time proof of the struggles, defeats, endurance, resilience, patience and finally, the victories I have had. You’re my graph of happiness and a charter of my maturity. As I get maturer, so do my words. I feel complete within them. I see the endless power they withhold. I never saw myself being this true to my life. And what else do I ask of myself, but to be true to my own instincts, beliefs and values?

Before I had you, I didn’t know what it was like to reveal one’s soul to someone. You are that someone for me, only that you are not ‘living’. But, you live in my life, my mind and most of all, you live in my world, fantasical and real, both. You are much more lively than most humans I encounter, because you let me give you life through my words with every passing day. 

You let me give you life. I have never written or spoken this sentence before. See, that’s the beauty of you. I come up with novel ways of expression when I am writing to you. That’s majorly because I don’t hide from you, or limit my potential of perception when with you. I perceive all things as I am, and it’s because of you that I attach strings of wisdom and depth to it. In the usual world, one time is mostly abrupt, but you allow me to perceive every person, experience and event twice; sometimes even thrice or more.

I wish you could respond to my thoughts. You know me in such depth, that no human ever can, or ever will. I don’t think they would want to. Thank you for accepting me in my entirety, for letting me bleed without literally bleeding and curing my wounds by solely being open and welcoming to them. I have realized, they never really wanted to be healed by a magic potion or in a hurry, all they wanted was to be accepted and given enough time to mend on their own.

In you, I find my solace. In you, I find my infinity. You are my most prized treasure. Thank you for keeping my words safe. For once, I have the slightest hope of not being erased into oblivion.

Yours truly. 

5 favourite quotes of the week (15/52)

1. Don’t waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you’re ahead. Sometimes you’re behind. The race is long. And in the end, it’s only with yourself. -UNKNOWN 

2. We cross our bridges when we come to them and burn them behind us, with nothing to show for our progress expect a memory of the smell of smoke, and a presumption that once our eyes watered. -TOM STOPPARD

3. Never confuse a single defeat with a final defeat. -F. SCOTT FITZGERALD 

4. If you’re going through hell, keep going. -WINSTON CHURCHILL 

5. The reason we struggle from insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with someone else’s highlight reel. -UNKNOWN 

24th December, 2016

(An entry I made while I was travelling in Tokyo, Japan and met the loveliest people ever, having the happiest time of my life. One could see it in the smile.)
Dear diary,
There’s so much to look forward to in life currently and for the first time in forever, I am not letting anything hold me back. I feel grateful for this wonderful world, its people, the trees, the melodies, the food, the books, everything that has ever existed. Today, I smiled so much that my jaw is paining. I have always loved travelling, but here it is different. It feels like I am carrying home within myself, and it’s sticking with me without any demands. I don’t believe in things happening by luck or chance, but this feels exactly like it. For the bad days I have mentioned to you about, the ones when things seemed so hard I simply wanted to erase them..in this moment, I would like to take all of it back if I could. Those days would’ve seemed worth it if only I knew life was going to gift these precious moments in the near future. Now they make sense, all of the negativity, uncertainty, hurt and disappointments, for they’ve lead to something bigger and worthwhile. I think this is life’s way of neutralizing everything, of maintaining a balance and of striking in accord with the universe that’s full of ups and downs. And it’s okay. After all, everyone needs some balance to exist. It’s getting cold here, but surprisingly, warmth is still clinging onto me. Thank you for holding my words of hope safely for the times I know I’ll need them. You are the only one I count on. I wish I could freeze time. Write to you soon! 

Muskan

5 favourite quotes of the week (14/52)

1. There is a loneliness that can be rocked. Arms crossed, knees drawn up, holding, holding on, this motion, unlike a ship’s, smooths and contains the rocker. It’s an inside kind — wrapped tight like skin. Then there is the loneliness that roams. No rocking can hold it down. It is alive. On its own. A dry and spreading thing that makes the sound of one’s own feet going seem to come from a far-off place. -TONI MORRISON, Beloved

2. He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same. -EMILY BRONTE, Wuthering Heights

3. There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights. -BRAM STROKER, Dracula

4. If you want to build a ship, don’t drum up the men to gather wood, divide the work and give orders. Instead, teach them to yearn for the vast and endless sea. -ANTOINE DD SAINT, The Little Prince 

5. We judge ourselves by our intentions and others by their behaviour. -STEPHEN COVEY, The Speed of Trust

5 favourite quotes of the week (13/52)

1. The supreme happiness in life is the conviction that we are loved – loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves. -VICTOR HUGO

2. Still, there are times I am bewildered by each mile I have traveled, each meal I have eaten, each person I have known, each room in which I have slept. As ordinary as it all appears, there are times when it is beyond my imagination. -JHUMPA LAHIRI, Interpreter of Maladies

3. You call yourself a free spirit, a ‘wild thing,’ and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. And it’s not bounded in the west by Tulip, Texas, or in the east by Somali-land. It’s wherever you go. Because no matter where you run, you just end up running into yourself. -TRUMAN CAPOTE, Breakfast at Tiffany’s

4. Do I love you? My God, if your love were a grain of sand, mine would be a universe of beaches. -WILLIAM GOLDMAN, The Princess Bride

5. Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right. -HENRY FORD

5 favourite quotes of the week (12/52) 

1. Ordinary people love entertainment. Extraordinary people adore education. -ROBIN SHARMA

2. Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy. -THICH NHAT HANH 

3. Regardless of how you feel inside, always try to look like a winner. Even if you are behind, a sustained look of control and confidence can give you a mental edge that results in victory. -ARTHUR ASHE

4. Everyone is a house with four rooms, a physical, a mental, an emotional and a spiritual. Most of us tend to live in one room most of the time, but unless we go into every room, every day, even if only to keep it aired, we are not a complete person. -INDIAN PROVERB

5. Who you are becoming is more important than what you are accumulating. -ROBIN SHARMA

Linking my blues to grey

I have known things in halves. 

I have known people in halves. 

I think I am the colour grey. 

There are multiple shades of grey,

yet I am clueless about my own. 

Sometimes, I am the haziest; 

other times, the most intense. 

My hues slide from high to low, 

right back towards the bottom 

when reaching the highest peak. 

Vibrance? 

I’ve known it rarely. 

Darkness? 

It’s been an acquaintance earlier. 

Balancing with accord, 

I’m forever ricocheting between black and white. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever have a family of my own,

or a place I can permanently belong to. 

But I’ll always welcome you home. 

You can glide with me; 

spend your life with me. 

In grey, we can build our forever.

In grey, we will build our forever. 

Neutrality shall be our state. 

5 favourite quotes of the week (11/52)

1. You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how you love. There is courage in that. -BIANCA SPARACINO

2. Life isn’t happening to you. Life is responding to you. -RHONDA BRYNE

3. If you ever want your soul to dance in the clouds, you will at some point have to juggle lightening and taste the thunder. -CHRISTOPHER POINDEXTER 

4. Beyond the edge of the world, there’s a space where emptiness and substance neatly overlap, where past and future form a continuous, endless loop. And, hovering about, there are signs no one has ever read, chords no one has ever heard. -HARUKI MURAKAMI 

5. And all the colours I am inside have not been invented yet. -SHEL SILVERSTEIN