Linking my blues to grey

I have known things in halves. 

I have known people in halves. 

I think I am the colour grey. 

There are multiple shades of grey,

yet I am clueless about my own. 

Sometimes, I am the haziest; 

other times, the most intense. 

My hues slide from high to low, 

right back towards the bottom 

when reaching the highest peak. 

Vibrance? 

I’ve known it rarely. 

Darkness? 

It’s been an acquaintance earlier. 

Balancing with accord, 

I’m forever ricocheting between black and white. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever have a family of my own,

or a place I can permanently belong to. 

But I’ll always welcome you home. 

You can glide with me; 

spend your life with me. 

In grey, we can build our forever.

In grey, we will build our forever. 

Neutrality shall be our state. 

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5 favourite quotes of the week (11/52)

1. You ruin your life by desensitizing yourself. We are all afraid to say too much, to feel too deeply, to let people know what they mean to us. Caring is not synonymous with crazy. Expressing to someone how special they are to you will make you vulnerable. There is no denying that. However, that is nothing to be ashamed of. There is something breathtakingly beautiful in the moments of smaller magic that occur when you strip down and are honest with those who are important to you. Let that girl know that she inspires you. Tell your mother you love her in front of your friends. Express, express, express. Open yourself up, do not harden yourself to the world, and be bold in who, and how you love. There is courage in that. -BIANCA SPARACINO

2. Life isn’t happening to you. Life is responding to you. -RHONDA BRYNE

3. If you ever want your soul to dance in the clouds, you will at some point have to juggle lightening and taste the thunder. -CHRISTOPHER POINDEXTER 

4. Beyond the edge of the world, there’s a space where emptiness and substance neatly overlap, where past and future form a continuous, endless loop. And, hovering about, there are signs no one has ever read, chords no one has ever heard. -HARUKI MURAKAMI 

5. And all the colours I am inside have not been invented yet. -SHEL SILVERSTEIN

Selfless rain

 

Looks like scattered glitter, but it’s really just the street light being reflected on a wet road. I like how rain emerges and gels with the dullest of things, and leaves them sparkling ever-so-brightly, even when it does not have a definite colour of its own. I especially love how it gives life to the lifeless and adds beauty to everything so naturally. I wish we could all be a bit more like that.


5 favourite quotes of the week (10/52)

1. Of all sad words of mouth or pen, the saddest are these – it might have been. -JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER

2. Everything has changed and yet, I am more me than I have ever been. -IAIN THOMAS

3. Dead people receive more flowers than the living ones, because regret is stronger than gratitude. -ANNE FRANK 

4. In order to love who you are, you can’t hate the experiences that shaped you. -ANDREA DYKSTRA

5. I think it’s beautiful, the way you sparkle when you talk about the things you love. -ATTICUS

Conquering the dark times

“Rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt myself.”

Some people would tell me “You’d grow into a fine young woman,” while others only nodded in uncertainty. I did, too. Those were the dark phases of my life. 

I had no clue about who I would be in the near future, or worse, if at all I will become someone significant. Clouds of fear and anxiety wandered with me through and through; in school, across the streets, at events, and even crawled inside my bedsheet to carry me to sleep and travel farther into my dreams. “Why do I exist? Why am I here? Am I good enough?” These questions that I had no answers to were stapled right onto my back, and my hands, and my toes, and I think even my eyes. This is exactly what I reflected to and became a reflection of. Question marks. All over my body. Outwards and towards the inside. 

Even the loudest parts I held seemed too soft compared to that of others. I had always been a person of depth, but shallowness appeared to make its way outward to the world. I cannot recall all the wars that were fought inside of me, but I vividly remember the coldness, the helplessness, the attacked harmony of my senses and the lost hope. Sadness became a companion. It still visits time and again. I welcome it with my arms wide open and a smile that it prefers to infect within seconds. “So are you saying you jump from joy to anger to misery, and are constantly ricocheting in between?” Yes. All my emotions were valid to me, though, I reckon, not explanatory to other people. You know how individuals battle within themselves while ‘appearing’ to be extremely silent? One look, and their face is so calm, so relaxed, that you almost never ask them how they have been doing? Well, it’s time you start to.

Admist this mess, there were I times I gave in. Some days, I would come out of my little shelf and run right back into it, as fast as I could, without having experienced any victory. We are made to believe that emotional victories aren’t victories really. But I think winning over one’s emotions is the greatest of all triumphs. On the quest of finding my true self, when I often felt defeated by the weight of my own shoulders and couldn’t uplift my life from its shattered surroundings, I chose to believe in the good. I chose to believe in something bigger that existed which I had been oblivious to, something which I simply failed to recognise. I found within me infinite compassion and courage, the compassion to be someone better and the courage to move forward. And I did move forward. Now, some people say to me, “You’ve grown into a fine young woman.” The others? They say ‘fine’ is just an understatement. These transitional times, they made me convert even the minutest of my defeats and sufferings into badges of honour and pride, that I happily like to wear at all times now.

I want you to believe in that tiny light you hold inside. It may even be miniscule. But it is there, hidden somewhere, leaping with excitement and already willing to come out. Make it so great that it might make you want to gulp the entire universe at once. It makes me want to gulp the entire universe at once. It’s worth reaching out to. It’s slowly making you whole again.

-Muskan Lamba (24.06.2017)

5 favourite quotes of the week (9/52)

1. I don’t have a favorite season. I have a favorite feeling. It’s the windows down, silent back roads with dirty bare feet feeling. It’s when I can walk straight outside without pausing to fish out a jacket. It is curtains dancing around my room because of the cool breeze that pushes against its fabric. It is sunsets after dessert and grass as my pillow. The sound of lawnmowers, falling leaves, and rain against the window. Pockets of shade and walks along a gravel road. I don’t have a favorite season, I have a favorite feeling. -UNKNOWN

2. We suffer not from the events in our lives but from our judgment about them. -EPICTETUS

3. There are stars you haven’t seen and loves you haven’t loved, there’s light you haven’t felt, and sunrises yet to dawn, there are dreams you haven’t dreamt, and days you haven’t lived, nights you won’t forget, and flowers yet to grow, and there is more to you that you are yet to know. -GABY COMPRES

4. So many memories come to me in black and white, except yours. Your colours refuse to be silent. -UNKNOWN

5. I will continue to find beauty and poetry and music in the most shunned places. In the cracks and corners and marrow of all that exists. It’s there. It has always been there. -CHRISTOPHER POINDEXTER

5 favourite quotes of the week (8/52)

1. Just like the lotus, we too have the ability to rise from the mud, bloom out of the darkness and radiate into the world. -UNKNOWN 

2. I love the rain. I love how it softens the outlines of things. The world becomes softly blurred, and I feel like I melt right into it. -HAGUMI HANAMOTO

3. That is happiness, to be dissolved into something complete and great. When it comes to one, it comes as naturally as sleep. -WILLA CATHER

4. And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long. -SYLVIA PLATH, The Unabridged Journals of Sylvia Plath

5. What is more brave and honorable than loving yourself no matter the cost, so that you can give that love away to others and become the change, the difference? -CHRISTOPHER POINDEXTER